Pet Peeve Primer
Over the course of a typical day, it's estimated that the average person interacts with at least 20 people—some more, some less. These may be interactions over the phone, on the road, in the grocery aisle, on the train, on a date, on the Internet, or at the soccer field... pure and simple,ours is a life full of interactions.On a good day, our interactions go along pleasantly and cordially—but as we well know, this is not always the case. Unfortunately, little annoyances, little pet peeves creep into our lives and cause us (some more than others) to have a range of emotions. Annoyances may cause us to go AGH!, roll our eyes, grit our teeth, sigh, or even cringe in utter disgust. Pet peeves—we don't want them, but it's undeniable—we all have them in some form or fashion. Actress and talk show host Whoopi Goldberg once said, “I don't just have a few pet peeves, I have a whole kennel full of annoyances!”
So how do we delicately discuss pet peeves without coming across as petty or overly critical, like we're just complaining? But on the flip side, how do we gently clue people in that some actions are simply undesirable? It's not like George Bush, during one of the State of the Union addresses, is ever going to take the first few minutes to say, “While I have your attention my fellow Americans, I'd like to point out a few universal annoy- ances that, if stopped, will make us a more perfect union!”Or maybe he should...
So let's clear the air. Let's level the playing field. Let's get them out in the open—and discuss the little things that bother and annoy us. Who knows, maybe you'll find yourself having done some of these things (whoops!), or perhaps you'll think of someone you know in these examples (and you'll hope they read this magazine).
First up, calling all cell phone users! We all don't need to hear your conversations. If you're going to talk in public,do it discreetly,quietly,out of the way, please—not at the table next to us at a restaurant or in a bathroom stall! It's annoying. And how about your cell phone ringer? You do know that cell phones come with ringer volume levels, right? How about keeping it on a quiet ring or put it on vibrate? And talking while driving? It's a no-no in most countries (and should be here). You're putting yourself and us at risk (the equivalent of driving intoxicated). If you must talk and drive,use an earpiece,make it quick and be attentive to the rules of the road! Remember to use your turn signals (we can't read your mind), go when the light turns green and oh yeah, stop at stop signs.
And here's an alert to text messagers— your ability to communicate in full sentences is diminishing. Especially annoying is when people continually text while engaged in a conversation with someone on a date or at a dinner party. If you must text, then do it quickly and put it away. And here's some additional communication advice for teenagers: Actually picking up a phone when you need to tell someone something is also an acceptable (albeit old-fashioned) option to text messaging.
On the Internet, we're all busy, so don't write a diary—just the facts, Jack! And when you receive an email to a huge distribution list (like to the whole baseball team that says “Practice is today at 5:00”), DON'T push the “Reply All” button telling the whole group, “Johnny will be late due to a saxophone lesson.” Everyone doesn't need (or want) to know that Johnny will be late—only the coach. Just click “Reply” and then it goes only to the sender. And as for forwarded emails that ask you to send it to 12 people, give us all a break, and choose to send 1 or 2 a year!
Some general courtesies:
- Don't take up 2 parking spaces (your car is just that... a car).
- Scoot into the center of the pew at church or seats at the movie theatre so people don't have to crawl over you.
- Put your cart in the rack at the grocery store, not wedged somewhere close by.
- At the deli counter, if you plan to order ¼ lb of 20 different things, perhaps think to go when it's not busy.
- 15 items in the express lane means 15 items, not 27.
- While shopping, don't leave your grocery cart in the center of the aisle while you go and look for something. Store it to the side or out of the way.
- On garbage day, cover your trashcan and recycling bins so your neighborhood isn't strewn with your garbage on windy days.
- When you sneeze or cough COVER your mouth (best to do this in the crook of your elbow). And don't shake anyone's hand until you're sure your own hands are clean.
- NEVER pick your nose (so obvious, it's absurd).
- Pick up your own trash at restaurants that have garbage cans available for this reason.
- If you have bad breath, invest in gum or mints to keep on hand.
- Pick up your dog's poop. Seriously.
- Arrive on time. It's as annoying to arrive for something early as it is to arrive late.
- Wash your hands after using the restroom —did you know that one of the dirtiest places in a public bathroom is the exiting door handle?
Behind the wheel
News bulletin—on the highway, the left lane is intended for passing, right lane drivers go more slowly. Don't drive slowly in the left lane. Does half the world not know this? Also, how about not riding someone's tail? Keeping a safe distance between cars is a smart idea. And teenagers, blaring bass from huge speakers in your car is not cool. One day you'll be deaf—but in the mean time, you are shaking the internal organs of everyone around you.
On a Date
Be on time, go to the door to pick up your date (honking the horn is a no-no), hold the door, don't talk with your mouth full—nor have any annoying personal habits, like nail biting, loud gum chewing, looking away all the time, or talking only of yourself (or your last love). After the date, don't say you're going to call if you know you don't intend to. Canceling a date via text message is also unfavorable.
On the phone
Return calls within 24 hours. When you're home, answer your phone unless you don't want to be bothered during a meal. It takes twice as much time to leave a message, wait for a call back, and play phone tag, than it does to just handle it the first time. Also, as for phone etiquette, a little known fact is that people generally call for the second thing they say. So don't come off as insin- cere by saying something like, “I'm so sorry your dog died. But can you give Molly a ride to practice tonight?” We know your real rea- son for calling.
So should you tell someone a particular behavior bothers you? According to Naperville psychologist Donna Lettieri-Marks, Psy.D., “It depends on the nature of the relationship if you should address it or not. In close relationships it makes sense to discuss behaviors if they can be changed. But avoid “you” statements that may be critical in nature. For example, don't say to someone, ‘You eat like a pig.' Instead, put the burden of the annoyance on you by saying, ‘Slurping sounds rub me the wrong way, and it would help me out if I heard this less.' Focus on you, not them. And if you're on the receiving end—meaning you're doing something that annoys your friend or loved one, you should always validate the person's feeling and make an adjustment to your behavior if you can. With interactions that are less intimate in nature, we need to remove our attention from it. So, if a particular behavior is causing us to become agitated, we need to shift our focus away from it and learn to either calm ourselves or remove ourselves from the situation. And, remember, what's annoying to one person may not be annoying to another.”
It's no secret that the little things in life can add up to big aggravation, but there's hope. If we are all conscious to commit some of these pet peeves a little less in our own behavior, and to be slightly more tolerant when we notice them in others, the world can be a nicer place. And as for people don't agree with this suggestion, well, they're just plain annoying.
By the way, to reach Dr. Lettieri-Marks about the annoyances in your life, visit www.findcounseling.com/marks.html
